It is always cruel when someone is taken from us by disease. Cancer is particularly cruel in that usually the sufferer is virtually given a death sentence but has to continue living with that knowledge. Among the cancers, Myeloma can be especially cruel in that there are treatments which can slow the progression considerably but there is no cure. The treatments are painful and distressing, and as the disease progresses, more and more difficulties are experienced. Functioning can be impaired in a slow and demoralising way.

Despite this, my wife, Denise Tarling, bore this with an unquenchable positive outlook. She never told the people she met that she had the disease and never made decisions for the future in any other way than if she would live forever. She was determined not to be seen as “the lady with cancer”. I suspect that many of the people she met over the 20 year period would be shocked to find out that all the time she had this disease. Even towards the very end when virtually bed-ridden, she continued to try to spare her family with her positive outlook. “It will be OK” was her continuing mantra.

Now sadly, she has lost her fight. I cannot pretend that the last few weeks were anything but difficult for both her and those close to her. Her abiding legacy to us is not to feel sorry for yourself, but always try to help others. She did this with such love even to the end, so if you can mark her legacy with a donation to Myeloma.co.uk, that may help someone in the future to have a better outcome. Maybe some day someone will be told “we have a cure for that”. Now wouldn't that be wonderful.

Ian Tarling